When pregnant with my first child, I only knew that I was expecting because my stomach grew. My friends and I were pregnant at the same time for the first time. Many of them were quite unwell with morning sickness and exhaustion. I, on the other hand, had life "as usual" except for the uncontrollable cravings for meat, an unheard of luxury in 1988 Israel.
During my second pregnancy, I felt a bit queasy. However, it was manageable and I was still relatively sure that the dramas of illness that women spoke about during their pregnancies were more to relieve themselves of housework than anything real.
When pregnant for the third time, a previously unknown world opened up for me. I remember well the moment of truth. We had just finished our Friday night Shabbat meal. Suddenly, I got up and ran to the bathroom quickly putting an end to what had been a delicious flavor in my mouth.
The sickness and exhaustion lasted the entire 9 months of the pregnancy, give or take a few days. I internally asked forgiveness from every woman who I ever doubted was truly sick during her pregnancy. It was now clear that morning sickness (and afternoon sickness, and night sickness) were genuine by-products of women's pregnancies and not a ploy for attention.
The LONG awaited day finally arrived. Labor came on strong. I went from sleeping to transition in a few moments, which is not the way to give birth. I am grateful that we lived just a few miles from the hospital because I made it there just in time to give birth in my pajamas!
Out came (or should I say "out flew") my little girl. The doctor passed her to me. I took one look at this sweet bundle and knew for sure, without a question or doubt, that there is a G*d in the world.
I could be scientific about this realization and claim that the wonderment of conception and birth must bring one to a belief in The Creator. I could discuss that every single cell perfectly knows its job in the human body -this cell will become part of the pinky nail and that cell will become part of the pupil in the eye, etc.-all a perfect plan of The Maker Himself. I could note the uniqueness of every person in the world, each obviously with their own soul. Pregnancy and childbirth bring endless proofs that there must be a G*d.
However, that is not what brought me to the absolute knowledge that G*d exists. What did it for me? I fell madly and passionately in love with the new little angel that had just been placed into my arms. When else can someone torture you for 9 months and in a moment you decide that you are madly in love with her forever? When can something make you feel so bad and in one connecting moment the world becomes open with possibility, hope, and joy?
That is a mother's love for her child, a true miracle and gift from G*d alone. One of the infinite ways that G*d reaches out to us and lets us know that He exists, He created us, He loves us, and He will take care of us always.
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