It is often been said that women are complicated creatures, but are we really? I speak to and connect with many women, especially moms on a daily basis and it doesn't seem like we are complicated at all. In fact, I would go so far as to say that we are extremely easy to figure out!
It seems that there are three basic things that seem common to all moms, that if they are met, mean that they live a very happy and peaceful existence.
Seemingly all we want is:
1. For our kids to be healthy and happy
I once heard it say that a mother is only as happy as her sickest child, and it really resonated with me. When our kids are sick, they are miserable, clingy and difficult to keep content. If they are babies, they spend their time wanting to be carried, meaning that we get very little done. It can also be emotionally exhausting for the mother. When our kids are healthy and happy in their lives, we are content and happy in ours.
2. For our husband/partner to be loving and supportive
I guess that you could argue that loving and supportive is relative, and what I view as loving and supportive differs from the next person. To a certain extent, this is true. However, I think that most women could agree that if your husband supports you, even when you make a decision that turned out not to be the best one, if he loves you unconditionally, even when you screw up, and understands how hard it can be emotionally, being mom to a young family, it's all we really require. Mostly we don't want someone to take away our responsibilities - we just want them to provide a friendly ear and strong shoulder.
3. To occasionally have a little "me" time, away from the bustle of the family
Most mothers do not crave a weekend away from their kids. Most mothers do not crave a whole day away from their kids. There comes a point, about a few hours into our time off, when we start to yearn to see our babies, and hold them in our arms. All we really require is a hour or two to ourselves. We want to read a little, or drink a cup of coffee while it's still hot. We want to perhaps have a manicure or a facial, without dealing with multiple distractions at the same time. Really, our needs are not complicated and we will come back feeling rejuvenated and energised.
How many of my female readers have read the statements above and agree that if they were met almost 80% of the time, you would be content? Yes, I know that we're not supposed to attach our happiness to external events or objects, and that happiness comes from within, and that happiness is a journey and not a destination etc. But seriously, does knowing all that ever actually make you feel any better?
So any men reading this, take note:
We are not complicated creatures who are hard to understand. Please try to support us, love us and understand how hard it is to be a mum, constantly juggling the happiness and health of so many people.
Try to help more with the kids: take them on an outing to give us one hour of peace. We're not asking for days here. Generally one hour is quite sufficient to recharge our batteries.
And most of all, try not to put us down or judge us. I promise, we are harder on ourselves than you could ever be; riddled with guilt and worry, and praying to God that we make the best choice for our families.
Help us with these things, and we will love you forever.
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