Oh, how I remember when my firstborn left for college. It felt like all of a sudden, there were a million things I had meant to tell my son... but it was too late - he was leaving to begin life on his own - new discoveries, new lessons, new friends, new decisions... and I was left sitting there with pen in hand and a blank sheet of paper.
That was twelve years ago. Now, my baby girl is turning 21 and that strong yearning to write down a list of "Momma's things to remember in life" has returned. This time, the lines on the paper are filled.
I know what a treasure I have when I hold a letter from my mom. Years after her death, the letters, the words she wrote to me are as precious as a hundred bags of gold. That is what I leave to my daughter... my words, my list... to have now on her 21st birthday to contemplate and choose... and later, after I'm gone, for comfort and reassurance.
So, in honor and celebration of her 21 years of life, I write my list to her:
21 Things Your Momma Wants You to Always Remember
1. Be who you are. Don't become "someone" for someone else. Don't live your life as a people-pleaser. If you decide to change something about yourself, do so by recognizing and realizing it's what YOU want to do, not to please or impress anyone else.
2. Always be learning. Your education won't end with a college degree; in fact, that's when your real education will begin. Don't ever stop reaching, stretching, wondering and discovering - learn all you can about anything and everything.
3. Don't compare. I've told you this so often over the past several years. There will always be someone prettier, happier, skinnier... more successful, more talented, wealthier and smarter than you. But, there will always be someone who is less so. Quit the comparison and realize you are absolutely perfect just as you are.
3. Spend time out in nature. Walk through the woods, watch a sunset, gaze at the moon, enjoy the crunch of snow or fall leaves under your feet, catch raindrops on your tongue, stand under a waterfall, sink your toes in the sand, see the beauty of creation that surrounds you, listen to the sounds of frogs, coyotes, geese, and owls. Feel your connection to all living things.
4. Know what you believe and why you believe it. Don't blindly accept the beliefs of others as your own. Just because your dad or I believe something, or your brothers or cousins or friends... you should find what rings true in your heart... formulate your own beliefs... and then stand up for what you believe. But... it's okay to change your mind, too. The experiences you have and the people you meet along the way will offer wisdom and insight that you never considered before. Something you so strongly defended back in your days of high school might not seem so right to you as you get older... and that's okay, you can change your mind.
5. Take time for YOU. Escape to find time for you. This will be so very hard to do when you have kids of your own, a job that demands your time and skills, a husband that needs to know he matters to you, a house to clean, laundry piled high... but it's so very important that you take time to nurture your soul, rest your mind and body, find quiet to settle you.
6. Never ever give up on a dream. Pursue it with all that is within you - with the determination and drive of an athlete who consistently trains without fail. Every single day, do something from where you are, with what you have to move you closer to reaching your dream.
7. What you give away, you get to keep. Give and give and give again to others... be generous with your heart, your time, your money, your energy. It will return to you in ways you never imagined. The measure of your worth is not in what you receive, but in what you give to others.
8. When you say you will do something, keep your word. Make your word true by doing what you said you would do... in the little things, in the big things. Easy to do, but oh so easy not to do.
9. Learn to listen. When someone is talking, give them full attention from your heart and your ears... without formulating your response in your head while they are speaking. Sometimes, all they need is someone to listen.
10. Do what you love. Don't spend your life trying to "make it work" if you don't enjoy what you are doing. Don't wait until you are dying to begin living. Figure out what makes your heart burst with delight and go do that.
11. Travel. See the world, see your country, experience the vast array of cultures, discover beautiful places, meet amazing people... go far away or stay in the states, but travel to new places as often as possible.
12. Always see the light in others... never judge. Everyone has a story, a reason for the way they are. You don't always know what they have been through. Love, don't judge.
13. Do something that scares you... step through your fear and you'll experience the exhilaration of conquering it.
14. Always give a firm handshake. No limp, wimpy handshakes allowed... ever.
15. Look people in the eye when you speak to them. When placing an order at a restaurant, when passing someone on the street, when checking out at the grocery store, when sharing a coke with a friend... look them in the eye. It will fill them with worth and value.
16. Forgive. Don't carry a grudge or resentment around with you... it will become a heavy burden that will weigh you down until you can't move or function. Let it go.
17. Accept failures as lessons, not as the end of the story. Learn from the bad as well as the good. You will fall down, you will make a mess of things, you will make mistakes... but it's all part of your journey... trying and failing and learning... is the key to your success.
18. No one, nothing can make you happy but you. Happiness doesn't come from the outside... it comes from within and you are the only means to being happy. It's your choice.
19. Avoid negative energy... it will drain the life right out of you. Excuse yourself from negative conversations, end relationships with people that exhaust you with their constant tirade of everything that is wrong, don't listen to all the negative news. Negative energy is contagious - you don't want to catch it.
20. Read ten pages a day of a book that inspires, motivates, challenges you to be a better person. Make this a habit, not one of those "someday, when I have time I will do this."
21. Be here now. Don't live in the past, it is gone and there is nothing you can do to change whatever happened. Don't worry about tomorrow, for it isn't here yet - worrying won't change a thing, except to make you feel worse and worse. You only have right here, right now - so embrace and enjoy each moment.
That's it, baby girl. I love you so completely, adore everything about you and desire that your journey in life leads you to writing your own list... to your daughter or son.
Oh, and I almost forgot... there's one more crucial piece of advice - a bonus!... when you have a bad day... remember how a chocolate shake and French fries will cure anything!
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